I'll never know

 

I skip a heartbeat

each time I realize we are destined to be apart.

A quiet ache fills me

as reality whispers

that we can never become “us.”

 

I’ll never know

the warmth of your arms around me,

the sweet trembling in my soul

when you hold me close,

or the magic of a kiss that could have been ours.

 

I’ll never walk with you under the stars,

feeling the cool night air

and the comfort of your presence.

Perhaps sitting together,

laughing until time stood still.

Or maybe our hands were never meant to hold on a perfect date...

 

Dancing with you in the rain

will live on only in my dreams.

The moments of teasing,

pulling your hair,

and feeling the joy of playful embraces,

are what I will always long for.

 

I’ll never know

How would it feel to walk by your side along the shore,

to lose myself in your gaze

until I see every hidden secret,

to unravel the tenderness inside you

and love you in all the ways the universe

never allowed.

 

To IIM Bangalore

Today

when I behold you so dearly

That I had only dreamed of

I doubt my senses

They must have put me in a chimaera

As for how come you transported into reality

So you must give me a day or two

As I have waited for eight years

Thinking that I am not good enough

Please do give me some time

So I can savour it

Assimilate it down to every fibre of my body.

I won’t say you came into my dreams

As you gave me sleepless nights.

My mind working on every detail, a thousand time

'Cause you were love at first sight

And I was working bloody hard to confess to you!

I know the journey will be freaking arduous

But I also know that I’m gonna love it

'Cause, when did I not!

Manali

 If I can pen it down

Then it wasn’t that beautiful!

Yeah, it’s been a year!

And the memories are still fresh.

How can you forget something?

That already took your heart before you even came in their vicinity.

Those snow-capped mountains

Trekking to thousands of feet

Making our snow-man

Drinking from the stream, which carried water straight from glaciers

Bathing with cold water in the evening,

Even when drinking that would cost a sore throat.

Making a whole lot of strangers

Into lifelong friends

The ride of the van packed with twelve,

complete strangers,

And all it took was half an hour

To realize, ‘we were destined to be a group.’

Whether it was Charlie, Delta or two lovely sisters

The trip would have been incomplete even if we missed one.

It felt I met a part of myself.

Mountains, trees, streams, clouds, rain, birds, animals, they all are me,

We all are one

Sharing centuries-old bond.

It was doubtlessly heaven.

Cause my heart never felt that peace before. 

If I can pen it down

Then it wasn’t that beautiful.

Till Last Breath

“I don't have feelings for you anymore,” he said

I was standing still

Couldn't believe what just happened.

That dream shattered

Pain too much to handle.

He was explaining

But what I had heard

Was enough to make me run away.

Tears flooding

My mind, too slow to assimilate

Every word was tearing me apart

Wanted to think that it was a nightmare

But it proved much worse.

Every moment came flashing by

Your promise

Your love

The way you used to say, “You belong with me”

Our first kiss

The day we met

When you wrapped your arms around me,

Yes, everything!

I wanted a forever

But I guess you just stopped for sometime

Before you can catch on another train.

I believed your Till-Last-Breath

But I forgot that you were a human

And they know how to betray.

'Cause I love you!

For every time I didn't say

I love you!

for every time I had hidden down my feelings

I wanna say sorry to myself

and to you too!

I love you from the day I first saw you

you made me fall

without doing anything

and now when I talk to you everyday

when I laugh with you so hard

Still... I can't confess.

You will never come to know

cause I would never let you know 

But I wanna say,

I love you!

I loved you for every second when I was with you

or when I was not with you.

I know we talk less

we go out even less

but sill you are the music

that plays in my heart

every morning I wake up.

Tuesday

It was Tuesday, I guess

In a grocery store, where my mom took me

Near the billing counter

I saw an old man, with a stick

Dressed all in white with a beautiful kufi on his head

Yeah he was alone

And accidentally dropped his debit card in the shopping basket

With stick in one hand, he was trying to reach for card from another

I saw him doing all these

So I pulled the card and handed him

He looked at me with a smile, so earnest

It took my heart away

He came and sat next to me

“I survived two bullets on my right leg,

in Kargil

retired as a Captain,

I was that young!”

I had no words so, I became a listener

and he recited his story

“I took fourteen years out of my life

To teach my two sons and to make their career

One is Major in army

Another Manager in SBI.”

I couldn’t miss the satisfaction on his face

Nor the smile

Neither his words.

After some time,

He stood up

“take care, beta” he left

And I could only manage to say a thank you.

Again for myself

I know it's never gonna be easy

One day....

it may be tomorrow

or some two years after this moment

I'll have to leave you

and find a new path

I don't know

how many tears do I need to shed again

how the broken heart would be repaired

how would I collect myself

But some distant day,

I know 

I would.

Again the same routine

same pain penetrating me deep down

Of course I can see

but everything is blank

cloudy

blur

nothings gonna be same ever again

and I have to live with it.

Every time it happens,

every time I'll have to let it go

I know I don't deserve you

or I guess I don't deserve anyone

just blank lonely place.

Once again,

I know I can do it again

again for myself. 

The Day We Met

I still remember the day we met

it was a crowded corridor

but my eyes could only find yours.

Those beautiful eyes,

that belongs to you

flattered me on the first look

I wanted to take my eyes off yours

it felt eternity

I have no fault.

I do remember, the look on your face...

the sweet smile 

that emerged on your lips

it faded quickly

as if  you did that only for me.

Wanted to hug you that time

in front of all

but what could have I done

the place was wrong.

Your eyes staring

not leaving mine

I wanted them to be there

all the time.

You step closer

I held my breath

Your touch made me forgot

what I really wanted to say.

Your eyes speaking everything to me

but  then also,

you spoke what I wanted forever

"You're the best

thing ever happened to me."

I wanna love you!

I Know you don't believe in love
For you love is a myth
But I wanna love you so very much that you fall for this myth-thing again
I wanna hug you for so long that you forget all the pain that life offered you
I don't know how to kiss
So you can teach me that :D
I wanna hold your hand and listen to your story whole night
I wanna stare at your eyes till they connect with mine,
Till they confess everything that they are holding back, hiding from me
I wanna love you for my entire life
I wanna grow up with you,
Laughing and playing with you
Pulling your hairs
And punching you on the stomach
Yeah I do wanna go on a date with you,
If you could ask me

I know these would only remain a dream
A dream that will fade away with distance and time
But still I wanna confess today
I wanna love you!

mom

I know the time is not right

The clock needs to wait

Few more dark nights

For that one sunshine.

For all the sufferings that you went through

sacrifices that you chose

covering your dreams behind the curtains

and opening the window for your kids.

For all the time you took a step back

for all the desires that were locked into the box

I as your daughter wanna promise you

I would let the sunshine

penetrate behind that curtain

All your dreams compromised for me 

would live one day

Spark meant for your eyes

would be returned.

I know the time is not right

the clock needs to wait

few more dark nights

for one promised sunshine.

Once Again

Sitting in dilemma

on the side of the bed

eyes half closed

half apart.

Thinking deeply

still in subconscious mind

whether what I saw was real

or my eyes faking around.

My mind wanders again and again

playing the scenes

for numerous time.

Did I see him?

Of course he was there!

playing with me,

not leaving my hand

clicking selfies

and kicking each other

The fun moments 

came accompanied with him.

After a long one year

that blush returned

the smile appeared 

and the soul cherished.

The happiness

which was borrowed

by the mind, for the soul

lasted for few minutes

and everything only a smoke.

I'll not pray from God

to give you back

not because I don't want

but I know she wants you more than me

she would be broken

she would be hurt

I'm strong

and everyone can't be me.

So, I've left him behind

moving ahead

on the path 

which would not coincide

with his.

Apology

I know I'm sorry

so I wanna confess

wanted to text you

but couldn't,

Meeting you is out of question.

The reason is wierd

The sorry which will relief you,

can give a huge injury to someone else

and He is no one to me

nor do You.

The realization came in the eleventh hour

your heart must have felt the pain

But my heart, a-slow-learner

never mind to take a lesson.

Seeing your image

after three long years

look did change

but you remained the same.

Smile that crossed your lips

connected with mine

By coming in your life,

I'll again ruin that shine.

The smile will be snatched

and the look will be gone

This time my soul is alert

couldn't do any more sin.

So I beg your pardon

from my heart to yours

keeping aside all the abuses

you shattered on me.

I trusted you dude

you broke my belief

but I know your soul was also hurt

So,

"I'm sorry!!!"

From my soul to yours.

Being a Girl

Opinions, perspective and views

whatever you own

have you ever realized

what does it mean

being a girl

They worship Lakshmi, Durga and Saraswati

for a boy to be born

lines appear on their forehead

before she can ever open her eyes

From sanitary napkins

to every month periods

everything she has to hide

pregnancy is a demand of society

on the terms of

"don't tell you've periods"

She is judged by

length of fabric on her body

number of notes she can bring to in-laws

whether she can make her husband happy

or pair with a Y chromosome

"save girl" 

still a slogan

"women security"

still a vote bank

"take your brother with you"

still spoken when going out

"don't wear shorts"

still an advice

"a girl is raped"

still a morning's headline

periods pain

pregnancy pain

pain when someone molests her

pain when she is beaten down

pain when face burns with acid

pain when someone destroys her soul

how much more can she handle???

silently she wipes her tears

bandage her wounds

console herself

and bring a smile

all boys

please be a man she admires

we all look up to you

humanity is only thing that we request

so when your girls grow up

she doesn't has to write this poem

all the beautiful girls

God made us girls

because He trusts

that

being a girl is only our stuff.

Physics lecture

Out of tiredness

we sit in the class

the bench sucks

but we maintain ourselves

Half of the faces blind

Most of the ears deaf

the teacher's only alive

Gossips are high

topic out of reach

heard the word light, laser...

and everything Steyn's bouncer.

Teacher's face,

single thing my eyes can catch

the grace of sitting on first bench.

As I turned around

somber faces of my friends

ready to sleep

with the clap of three.

The window,
a better view to watch
the birds are chirping
and the leaves flowing
the greenery, that delights my eyes
and cools my heart.

The Tricolor which is waving high
looks ravishing
in the blue sky
the beauty so pure
that holds me by.

The bell got rang
my ears set an alarm
but whats the use
I was already dozed off.

Three unspoken words

Some dark nights

few awaken hours

three unspoken words

and millions of dreams in waiting list......

Their late night chats

conveying everything

He still wanna confess

and She still couldn't understand.

"friendship" her name to their relationship

"love" what He defines

afraid to loose her

He compromise

He is her savior

and She is mystery to him

He collected some strength

wrote the three words

but that letter

never got posted

She maintains the friendship

He lived in his dreams

to save her friendship

He let go off His dreams.

His Wish, Her Destiny

The scenery was dark

in the seminar hall

Almost packed

they all were sitting

with gossips on.

The teacher stood up,

to announce the scholarship

A girl from their  school

topped the state

with  98 percentage.

Discussions filled with be-wilderness

mam said- "I don't think, any one can score this high!"

He interrupted- "Mam, I think Payal can"

she looked at him

Eyes with love and respect

to see his lady on top

that day she just by-passed the thought.

After three summers

when they are no longer together

She just hopes

He has seen the poster which reads-

"PAYAL, IIT TOPPER"

Ravishing Night

Some nights are classified

and God booked one for me

and put you into it

Like a dream 

the stage was set

Dark streets and dim light

narrow and curvy roads

on which I was behind you.

Breeze felt like feather

and your presence was enough

to feel like heaven

your voice, melody to my ears

and the way your eyes stared me

I fell for you all over again.

The day I first saw you,

you were my fantasy

Still when I talk to you

it feel  like a dream.

I know, you can never be mine

but thank you

for every moment that you made mine.

Last day

Little confused, Unable to realize
whether the moisture was in the air
or my eyes felt it.

The wind was waving through my face
the main gate of the school
welcoming me
and my class calling me.

As I entered into the place
which I have to leave forever
thousands of moments passed me by
every happiness was in my eyes.
Seeing my friends far away.....
A smile rushed to my lips
and I to them....
my eyes got smaller to capture those moments
but we clicked selfies.

Every second was telling me,
this is the last time you are doing this
but those last moments
became the happiest one.

I moved through the narrow corridor,
it broadened my heart
The way my class approached me
my eyes got lit
miss those carefree laugh
when we crack our joke secretly,
miss those loud laughter
when the whole class used to enjoy
those physics comedy classes
maths mad classes
punishments
and again a
LOUD CROWD LAUGH
the way principal used to shout
our hidden attempts to control the smile
and
how our homework and classwork copy used to be the same.

I couldn't move my legs
my every step was opposing me
the friction has certainly reached a level
every single thing calling me back
every memory flashing in my mind....
the heartbeat rising
the wind opposing
but I have to leave........

I know my body can't be present there
but my soul will
those cherished moments will always be there
those last moments will always play in my mind.....

and every time it will bring a smile on my lips
remembering my SCHOOL LIFE.

Angel

Wrapped in innocence

a beautiful soul

Always kept quite 

with the smile of her own

Detached from world

in her own role

Ecstatic is her way

living in everyone's heart

As heaven dropped their angel on us.

Someone passed her by

created false around her

took her on his side

love, believe, trust, faith part of the drama

in which the innocent was caught.

Unaware of the situation

she was used by him

her love was pure

but he faded it off.

The soul who never knew

how to be sad

was crying to her death

The glow was snatched

from the face so fond.

her agony killing her

Salt pouring down

Her face, shaped into dull

The beauty which was there

No where to be found

Heaven has send it's angel

This world turned her into human.