I'll never know

 

I skip a heartbeat

each time I realize we are destined to be apart.

A quiet ache fills me

as reality whispers

that we can never become “us.”

 

I’ll never know

the warmth of your arms around me,

the sweet trembling in my soul

when you hold me close,

or the magic of a kiss that could have been ours.

 

I’ll never walk with you under the stars,

feeling the cool night air

and the comfort of your presence.

Perhaps sitting together,

laughing until time stood still.

Or maybe our hands were never meant to hold on a perfect date...

 

Dancing with you in the rain

will live on only in my dreams.

The moments of teasing,

pulling your hair,

and feeling the joy of playful embraces,

are what I will always long for.

 

I’ll never know

How would it feel to walk by your side along the shore,

to lose myself in your gaze

until I see every hidden secret,

to unravel the tenderness inside you

and love you in all the ways the universe

never allowed.

 

To IIM Bangalore

Today

when I behold you so dearly

That I had only dreamed of

I doubt my senses

They must have put me in a chimaera

As for how come you transported into reality

So you must give me a day or two

As I have waited for eight years

Thinking that I am not good enough

Please do give me some time

So I can savour it

Assimilate it down to every fibre of my body.

I won’t say you came into my dreams

As you gave me sleepless nights.

My mind working on every detail, a thousand time

'Cause you were love at first sight

And I was working bloody hard to confess to you!

I know the journey will be freaking arduous

But I also know that I’m gonna love it

'Cause, when did I not!

Manali

 If I can pen it down

Then it wasn’t that beautiful!

Yeah, it’s been a year!

And the memories are still fresh.

How can you forget something?

That already took your heart before you even came in their vicinity.

Those snow-capped mountains

Trekking to thousands of feet

Making our snow-man

Drinking from the stream, which carried water straight from glaciers

Bathing with cold water in the evening,

Even when drinking that would cost a sore throat.

Making a whole lot of strangers

Into lifelong friends

The ride of the van packed with twelve,

complete strangers,

And all it took was half an hour

To realize, ‘we were destined to be a group.’

Whether it was Charlie, Delta or two lovely sisters

The trip would have been incomplete even if we missed one.

It felt I met a part of myself.

Mountains, trees, streams, clouds, rain, birds, animals, they all are me,

We all are one

Sharing centuries-old bond.

It was doubtlessly heaven.

Cause my heart never felt that peace before. 

If I can pen it down

Then it wasn’t that beautiful.

Till Last Breath

“I don't have feelings for you anymore,” he said

I was standing still

Couldn't believe what just happened.

That dream shattered

Pain too much to handle.

He was explaining

But what I had heard

Was enough to make me run away.

Tears flooding

My mind, too slow to assimilate

Every word was tearing me apart

Wanted to think that it was a nightmare

But it proved much worse.

Every moment came flashing by

Your promise

Your love

The way you used to say, “You belong with me”

Our first kiss

The day we met

When you wrapped your arms around me,

Yes, everything!

I wanted a forever

But I guess you just stopped for sometime

Before you can catch on another train.

I believed your Till-Last-Breath

But I forgot that you were a human

And they know how to betray.

'Cause I love you!

For every time I didn't say

I love you!

for every time I had hidden down my feelings

I wanna say sorry to myself

and to you too!

I love you from the day I first saw you

you made me fall

without doing anything

and now when I talk to you everyday

when I laugh with you so hard

Still... I can't confess.

You will never come to know

cause I would never let you know 

But I wanna say,

I love you!

I loved you for every second when I was with you

or when I was not with you.

I know we talk less

we go out even less

but sill you are the music

that plays in my heart

every morning I wake up.

Tuesday

It was Tuesday, I guess

In a grocery store, where my mom took me

Near the billing counter

I saw an old man, with a stick

Dressed all in white with a beautiful kufi on his head

Yeah he was alone

And accidentally dropped his debit card in the shopping basket

With stick in one hand, he was trying to reach for card from another

I saw him doing all these

So I pulled the card and handed him

He looked at me with a smile, so earnest

It took my heart away

He came and sat next to me

“I survived two bullets on my right leg,

in Kargil

retired as a Captain,

I was that young!”

I had no words so, I became a listener

and he recited his story

“I took fourteen years out of my life

To teach my two sons and to make their career

One is Major in army

Another Manager in SBI.”

I couldn’t miss the satisfaction on his face

Nor the smile

Neither his words.

After some time,

He stood up

“take care, beta” he left

And I could only manage to say a thank you.

Again for myself

I know it's never gonna be easy

One day....

it may be tomorrow

or some two years after this moment

I'll have to leave you

and find a new path

I don't know

how many tears do I need to shed again

how the broken heart would be repaired

how would I collect myself

But some distant day,

I know 

I would.

Again the same routine

same pain penetrating me deep down

Of course I can see

but everything is blank

cloudy

blur

nothings gonna be same ever again

and I have to live with it.

Every time it happens,

every time I'll have to let it go

I know I don't deserve you

or I guess I don't deserve anyone

just blank lonely place.

Once again,

I know I can do it again

again for myself.